fighting against happiness .
family - how does it feel like when you're with your family , and your parents just don't bother about you anymore , but they are just happy with your siblings . ?
*cries*
hairul - what do you feel when someone loves you , but you wanted me t go with someone else , and willingly , you want t love someone else which you don't want to love . ?
*cries*
wahid - what do you feel when you said something , and your love ones really do it even you're hurt . ? what do you feel when you can't understand someone heart and won't give her a chance for her t talk for the last time with you . ?
*cries*
i'm giving all of you a lot of chance from now on .
i don't care for whatever happen .
but giving you guys the chance has make me smile just a bit .
but because of my foolishness , never ever once have i got that one more chance .
that one more chance t express my feelings out .
that one more chance for me t change .
that one more chance for me t smile .
that one more chance t improve myself .
incident 1 :
yesterday , we dine together .
as a family .
i didn't want t dine together .
but because of my brother , so i went out .
so , i sat with my brother .
mom , dad and bro , laughing out loud .
talking so nicely .
but never a word to me .
so , i just ate my food .
once mom , dad and bro finished eating , i was left alone in the kitchen .
and all of 'em just went t the hall and talk and chat .
depan rezeki ku menangis , tapi , tiada siapa yang peduli .
tidak ku sangka , aku bagaikan tiada apa - apa di sisi mereka .
how hurting does it feel , when your family just did that t you , 'cause of a mistake you did , and not a chance t be given t you .
incident 2 :
got close back t hairul .
sms him .
shocked of my life when he text me this , " i promised fatin that i'll be her lover."
when he says he loves me and still needs me .
and then now , he wants me t go back t wahid .
when he knew , he is unwilling t do it .
di mana perginya janji - janji mu buat selama ini . ?
incient 3 :
got myself into a fight with wahid .
it was my fault for saying those words t him .
i didn't wanna care for what he says .
but , i tried t talk t him for the better .
but this is what i got .
"we are still att. .but we do things separately."
and i text him about forgetting me .
and yeah , i guess he HATES me for that .
so he hates me .
so now .
listen t what my heart is going t pour out .
keluarga .
aku sememangnya , jahat .
aku sememangnya , tidak pernah akan dapat memberi kebahagiaan kpd keluarga kita .
tapi , kerana kesilapan ku , tidak dapat ku di maafkan lagi .
tapi , memang sepatutnya aku tidak harus dimaafkan .
kerana aku telah menghilang dan menjatuhkan maruah keluarga .
tapi pernah ada sekalian , menanyakan tentang isi hati ku . ?
tidak .
kerana dari kecil , aku sememangnya tidak pernah diberi peluang .
hairul .
kau membuat aku tertawa dan gembira .
tetapi , aku tidak mahu itu semua .
yang ku inginkan adalah ketulusan hati .
bukan simpati .
bukan air mata yang engkau tangisi .
tapi , setiap janji mu tidak pernah dituruti . ?
bagaimana caranya harus aku mempercayai kata-katamu lagi .
wahid .
maafkan daku wahai sayang .
tapi , aku tahu , kau kini sudah membenci ku .
kerana kata-kata ku , kita jadi begini .
segalanya berakhir di sini .
cinta mu pada ku sangat suci .
tapi kini , kata - kata aku , engkau turuti .
ku tidak mengharap apa - apapun .
tapi kini , berikanlah aku peluang .
tetapi , hati yang terguris , susah ataupun tidak dapat diperbaiki .
aku inginkan hidup bersamamu .
tapi , kerana ku , tidak dapat masa di putarkan kembali .
tangisan ku untuk mu penuh makna .
aku ingin meluahkan segalanya .
peluang bagi ku , tiada lagi .
tetap engkau lah sayang ku walaupun aku dibenci .
aku sudah biasa di benci .
tetapi , kau ingin ku miliki .
tapi , tidak mungkin itu bisa menjadi sebuah realiti lagi .
pergila keluarga .
pergila hairul .
dan jaga dirimu wahid .
kini aku dibenci oleh semuanya .
halalkan makan minumku .
kehilangan harapan dari semuanya .
abg zikir .
well , maybe we do have the same feelings .
we are cousins .
but , maybe , i shouldn't close my heart .
but yeah , idk what will happen next .
biar takdir menetukan semuanya k zacky .
ayunnie .
thanks for the listening ear .
idah takkan uat paperh bdow lagie k .
idah hanya akan menangis setiap hari .
jadi , mummy jangan risau .
