a mere experience, either bad or good, brings more meaning to life. this is what i thought life is.

10th Dec was appointment day, and thank goodness everything is better than ever. BUT things are not gonna be easy for the next few weeks. hell and damnation! i am at the verge of fainting when i heard about weeks. i felt like i could just faint on the spot. i spend most of my day there at hosp. but, pretty good, it wasn't that bad at all.
oh oh. have you ever thought of a delivering machine that knows how to move by itself without anyone operating it? LOL. i saw that incident happening during my appointment. i'll make sure to snap a photo of it on my next appointment. no worries[: and on the day of my appointment, they had to take my PR[pulse rate]. at first, the nurse took my PR, and guess what, my heart was beating like 111 times per minute. then the nurse was like laughing and asked me to rest. and so i did. after resting for 10 mins she called out for me again. guess what, my heartbeat got highr. it reached 115beats per minute. and she was like looking at me and laughing and said,"Are you in love or what?" then the both of us laughed. and on the third try, she record down my heartbeat at 108.
 woooooaaah! my heart is really beating very fast. but i'm used to it.

as of yesterday, i went and accompanied mum and dad to National Heart Centre at SGH. dad had an appointment there. i was lazy to be send off to my aunt house, so i followed. it was not boring actually. i got to see dad took his blood test. hahah. dad's blood is not thick like mine. dad had to run on a treadmill to check his heart. eventually, we had to go back on Tuesday for another scanning of the heart as dad's heart is sometimes normal, sometimes slow. so, after everything ended at around 12pm, dad wanted to meet my aunt at Orchard. so taxi-ed down to Centrepoint and i was starving, and my aunt was late. so waited for her around 10mins, and we went to had our lunch at LJS.  i ate a lot. and i mean, A LOT. after that went down to Orchard Central and i didn't know what to shop there. so, after wailing so much, dad couldn't stand it and said, " Daa. KEEP QUIET. we walking down to ION. shopping la puas puas kau kat sane. tak tahan aku bila kau dah membebel. kalahkan mak kau." HAHAH. too bad dad.
i shopped till my heart's content. bought Salvatore Ferragamo perfume. went to Sephora and bought bathe set. and how i wish i could shop more. but nevermind, i shall not waste money on things that are not suppose to be bought when they are not that important. so, shopped around at ION till 3pm.
then when back to aunt's house, played with her cat or should i say, used-to-be-my-cat. Ray. played around with him that i eventually had to suffer with a bite on my hand and a small size scar on my face. hahah. not bad right Ray? of course, like owner like cat. very fierce. hahah. i talked to dad recently and said that i wanted a kitten. and dad said okay. my responsibility. fine, you keep quiet ah abah. my kitten and you don't play around with it if i get one.

oh thanks Benjamin for ordering and paying in advance first for my contacts. i'll repay you back once school re-opens. at last, contacts. i've not been wearing them for long and yeah. oh. did i mentioned about keeping my hair long? hahah. i am keeping my hair long again. i thought of making it thinner, but later la.

i miss school and the clique. i miss, aisyah,syaff, syu,aisha,humairah,naeemah,era, suzanne and others.
i guess this is the longest post i've had after months. well i gotta go. i'm off to eating, AGAIN. will update soon.


don't ever ask me about whether he is caught or anything. i don't even wanna know. i leave everything in God's hand. i'm moving on just as the river flows.

deplored at the memories of my past, but what's the point, it's no use.
God will help me in every way He can. i have faith in him and i believe in him, 'cause i know my strength lies in Him and that no one can understand my decision better than Him. Amin.


3weeks time, Olevel result will be out, and i don't know who is taking Os this year in my family, but i hope that if there is someone taking Os, well, good luck and may you pass with flying colours and that you guys will be convinced with whatever result you'll receive. well, as you can see, i've just changed my blogskin to something that is black. guess i'm bored with white and very simple. but who cares? i've also changed my blog song, which like as always, i'll have a K-Pop song.

well, 2 days ago, i was reading the Malay Newspaper, "Berita Harian."
and the most eye-catching article is about how our Malay community are suffering. i think that the term suffering doesn't actually matches with the article. i'd rather say that it is rather pathetic and shameful for our malay community to be acting these way. seriously, it is very saddening but behind all that shame always cover all these. well, the article was a three page full "lensa hidup" that's happening at East CoastPark where an increasing number of malays are staying there. this is due too, no homes and guess what's behind not having a home? no job. seriously, what's with the community nowadays. even Dr Yaacob Ibrahim is shameful of this kind of behaviour that is not lessening but indeed it is increasing. so who else do we blame? easy, ourselves.it's because we don't want to find a way to help ourselves that's why, a lot of Malays are suffering.

and i really don't understand, why must there be a differences between malay teens nowadays. what's with not mixing around with minahs and mats? btw, do you even understand or can you actually define specifically and logically what you understand by minah/mat? if you're gonna say, it's the way they dress up and all other bullshits, then jolly well shut up and stick your nose in books and out of the clouds. why must we our own community be a rival to our own people? can't we help each other? what's with high standard malay and typical malay? errrr! stupid, bodoh, idiot.
why can't we be united. all the media knows is everytime, every articles shows the achievements of the malays. then what about those malays that are in jail? their stories? about the teenagers now, just having their education at Nlevel or ITE only? come on! is it fair?

Os result are out soon. may we see what other articles are going to come out. and let us see, whether good news will always be motivational or not.

for God's sake & God damn it! i can't believe it, that after calculating and subtracting the 2weeks from the real date, the due is going to be 27December.
Oh sugar-honey-ice-tea! i'm utterly unprepared, but prepared for what's going to happen next. if anyone know what i mean, well, that's good.

mum tried to coax me by asking me to do exercises(which i have been doing) and literally, i did what she said. i'm being posessed by mum. Grr! that is so not fun. and yesterday, mum&dad brought me out, and guess what, DAD TORTURED ME TO HELL(i prefer heaven). believe it or not, from home, taxi-ed down to Robinson Rd post office at CBD area, and then from there, walked too DBS bank. okay, then taxi-ed again to Bugis Junction for lunch and here comes thekilling and raging part. from Bugis Junction, we walked all the way to Jln Sultan. and till this point time, my legs and the whole body are suffering in a continous dull pain or you call it, aching. maybe next week, i'll be asking Aisyah to come over my place. i'm dead bored and is spending my time studying or should i say, prolly studying. i just don't know which term define thebest way of me doing things.

things are getting better nowadays. Danial contacted me back, and he has been calling me almost like very night. Err! Daniakl, if you're reading this, i seriously won't go for a guy older than me by a long distanced year. LOL. but seriously, my Os are what i have to concentrate now.

oh oh, i told mum about babe Aisyah, and mum say, "Why not ask Aisyah to come over and you syudy together during the holiday? after studying you guys can do whatever you want. study for 2-3hours."
how nice eh mum? HEHS. i guess, i don't have much to blog about, as currently, i'm using my cousin's laptop.




the flower always blooms beautifully that no one can deny it's beauty. i was once like a rafflesia, nice but with a dead smell that stuffs the nostrils and people disgust me. but now, everyone is giving me the chance to bloom like a rose, which has stems that are thornful that pricks the greedy.

i haven't posted for quite some time. due to irritation and something else.
err, i can believe the pains are coming back, and yes people i need company. mum, dan and bro are always not at home and i spend most my time being isolated.
and mum is beginning to worry as the days and weeks seems to turn faster into months and faster to years, and they could not afford to have me at home, ALONE.

i spend most my days reading or either just watching telly. my mind is as empty most of the time. and at most, it turns out like i'm being held as a hostage at home. this is indeed very uneasy for me. but, in order not to fret, i must indeed endure this.

i'm literally dreading my life right now, but i have to hold on and on and on. my nights have been sleepless, my mornings has been a dread, my afternoons are just boredom. i do every single thing the same day. OH GOD! i'm patiently waiting for the due and waiting that everything is gonna be fine and over quickly and that i will be a different person like now.
i love my parents. i love my bestfriends[aisyah, syu, syaff,aisha, humairah&naeemah] for supporting me and letting me be strong.

these are the people i can cling on too most of the time. and some others. i will have to be strong and i must be.

baba once told me, "Patience is the key to everything, and experiences, no matter bad or good brings more meaning to life."

thanks people for letting me, love myself,believe myself and respect myself. thank you.

NK.ZAINAL

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