Elle Khalidah Anico Routh

i thought everything's gonna be fine. but no. it turns out to be worst. what she said was true. if you just put too much hope in living with someone else when you don't really know how well that person is, the one that you think you need most, will eventually be gone in a snap. everything starts out divinely, but in the end, it fades once more.

the day has been very unadorned. it's like as if the day has no flowers and butterflies flying and i can't even feel the heat of the sun and the smell of the rain as everything is so plain. like hell, this is so not me typing this out. PEOPLE, I'M A HAPPY GIRL!


i kinda miss the presence of my brother at home. i miss the way he moves in the kitchen baking sweet muffins of different flavours like no one else's business. i miss him sitting in front of the computer like what i'm currently doing now. i miss how he always rubbed my forehead every time i'm asleep. i miss how he used to just suddenly jumped onto my bed and act like a fool, and i'll be shouting at him to get out of my room. i miss the time where he used to scold me for talking on the phone till late night. i miss him asking me to study. i miss the times i fought with him. i miss the time where we used to fight over the Urban newspaper. i miss the time where me and him were home alone and he cooks for me. i miss the time where he used to just takes my things without asking for permission. i miss the time where he likes to eat my kinder-bueno like nobody's business. i miss his presence while sitting in his room now. i miss everything about my brother now. this Friday, he'll be back home once again. and everything is gonna be normal again and then it will change again.

i felt like ever since my brother has been away for his National Service, i find him more caring towards me. he doesn't even want me to repeat the mistake i used to do. i felt like i really need him even though if things are gonna be normal which i don't usually like. but at least i know he's there for me. *sighs. why am i missing my brother so much? i even talked about him at school with my friends. i told them how we spend talking to each other when he called for a moment while in camp. he told me he was sicked and he told me how his Senior are treating them over there. ( i swear i'm gonna punch their face.) well, it's about time i realise how much my brother loves and care for me now. i swear i love you, Muhammad Zulhilmi Bin Zainal. Brother.