i never gave a chance for you
to understand me . ?
let me say it all and express it
all out , if that satisfies you . !
what am i thinking currently . ?
ans:
- first MAIN point , EOY;that leads me t where i wanna be .
-future;what will it be like . ? i'm weaker now . where do i find strength . ?
- family;how am i gonna be forgiven with the sins i've done . ? taking one step at a time .
- LOVER; away . ? i don't know where he is . should i find him . ? or should i just hear the joyful story of him that people are telling me . ? i want t tell him what i'm doing everytime and even now , just fully share my secrets . but let it be .
- friends;helping each and one of you SMILE . most of you are having A HUGE BURDEN .
- ADEQQ SHAHIRAH;even we're not close yet , hey , from far i'm keeping an eye on you .
and honey , you're still young . a relationship for such a faithful love , you still have a long way t go . not everything last for an eternity .
-mom;should i just cut off the bond between us and never realise and gave a thought that you are my bio mother . ? i'm down t hell if i ever spare a thought like that . i've given the chance for you t understand me , i've even made myself t be close t you , but your words just hurts . why don't you just tell your family members i am just nothing t you and i have no similarity like you . why don't you tell 'em all . ? you're brave enough t tell me , why don't you just expose it . ? afraid . ? i just don't know what you're thinking .
understanding me . ? simple .
and don't ever think
i've never gave a chance .
i'm fourteen . i'm complicated . yes , i admit . but hey .
i'm stating my priorities , straight , firm , strict , anyway you think i set it .
but it's me who you're facing .
i know there are a thousands of Nur Khalidah Bte Zainal .
but hey , this is me who - you - ever people know .
i may be friendly , and i make friends easily .
BUT , i don't trust someone SO easily .
give me time t fully - understand you .
but if on the journey or should i say the processing of knowing and understanding , you just simply change , i won't hesitate t leave you stranded on the highway .
'cause i simply say , i set my priorities FIRM .
you think you understand me , THINK AGAIN .
if you ever say you understood everything single little bit that's happening on me , you knew , guess what , I DON'T THINK SO .
let me tell what is UNDERSTANDING AND KNOWING .
you tell me you know what i love .
you said , " She loves tigger . she loves the colour blue , green , red etc . she loves GOD . she loves her BOYFRIEND . she loves her blog . she loves her line . She hates people who just think they are forever RIGHT . she hates her damn calculator . she hates her ex - boyfriend . she hates her tummy . . . etc."
think that's what makes you understand me . ?
HELLO .
i think not .
that is knowing .
knowing and understanding is a BIG difference .
you can state it out whatever i like and don't like , whatever i love and whatever i hate .
THAT IS KNOWING ME .
UNDERSTANDING ME .
it's what you and i feel together .
it's what you and i are willing t go thru it together .
it's what you and i are willing t sacrificing for each other .
it's what you and i love .
it's what you and i cry about .
it's what you and i share .
it's what you and i think .
it's what you and i hate .
want me expand the part on understanding me . ?
MY PLEASURE .
it's just easy and , hey , i know myself better .
understanding me .
i let anyone have the chance t get t know me .
ask any of my friends , especially AMIRA , if they ever understand me .
you wanna know my secret , can .
why not right . ?
but , when i say , " NOT NOW" you must have patience .
i WILL surely open my mouth one day .
all you ever need on me is ,
PATIENCE .
understanding me .
don't just barge into my life and think you are gonna make things better .
making things better . ? OHH . i love that .
but hey , ever wonder , if a third party just came in , and well yeah .
let me say this , I HATE THIRD PARTIES .
but , i give you chance .
go on la .
just make me hear the joy you having .
let me see the fun time you had .
let me feel what you think i'm feeling at that point of time .
understanding me .
it's as easy as ABC and 123 .
when i'm happy , just smile with me .
just be happy like me .
you have a problem , i advice , then we will laugh out loud about it .
when i'm down , make me smile and laugh , don't make me think about my problem .
if you think i'm similar t you , admit it , never be ashamed of it .
if you're ashamed of it , it's sooooooo humiliating that you're a human .
when i'm at the urge of crying or when i'm alr crying , just hug and cuddle me .
and i'll forever be alright .
i'll tell you straight away what is wrong with me .
you don't have t worry .
understanding me .
the more you think you're right .
the more you think you're there for me all the time .
the more i think your words are a lie .
and sometimes i just wished i am still a kid .
never spare a thought on what other people say .
and now what , i'm never given the chance t do what i want now .
now i'm asking all of you , did you gave me the chance t let me say what i say . ?
did you want me t say what i say . ?
did you want me t know how you feel . ?
did you ever want me t care how is your state and how you felt . ?
so let me say ,
did i ever gave the chance t let ya'll understand me . ?
did i ever want t share my probs . ?
i just don't know what t say anymore .
seriously .
to mom : i may be nothing in your eyes now .
you never admit you had a daughter who was similar t you .
Nur Khalidah Bte Zainal .
you can jst say out my name .
but you never admit that most of the time , we were similar .
you deny everything about me .
about me , you just seem t always criticised about it .
it's okay if you never admit i'm your child .
i can't break the bond .
like i say , i set my priorities straight and firm .
i'm willing t accept it .
just say it out .
to wahid : guess what . ? i don't know where are you .
i can't contact you now .
i'm asking myself now , 'do i have the guts t even talk t you again.?'
i'm on my way down .
sick and tired of this world , it's as if there's no air .
been wondering why , what's wrong with me . ?
guess i didn't know you too well .
maybe i'm just too far apart away .
hey , i'm tripping over myself now .
but hell yeah , i don't even bother .
if only i could still talk t you .
like we used to .
but , am i dreaming or what . ?
will you ever talk t me again . ?
idk .
i feel nothing .
'cause i ain't gonna care what's gonna happen .
people say that i don't let them understand me , hey the above post , right .
i didn't let people understand me .
hey , do you think you will talk t me again . ?
idk .
up t you .
to faaYEEZ : thanks for the advice .
even though it was a small piece , hey , you've made me spare a thought of how a guy feel .
i could only offer a sincere thanks .
that's all .
hey , anything else , i'll express it t you when i think i'm ready t fully know and understand you .
thanks my friend .
and go taste your girlfriend's kuih boleh tak . ?
HAHAS :D
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